“There is little chance that meteorologists can solve the mysteries of weather until they gain an understanding of the mutual attraction of rain and weekends.”
Arnot Sheppard
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Humor Quotes
114 quotes on humor and wit — from the classics to the everyday.
“You bought me to score goals, not to play football.”
Zlatan Ibrahimovic · To a manager during his career, widely reported
“An injured Zlatan is still better than a fit Zlatan.”
Zlatan Ibrahimovic · Press conference, 2012
“A lot of people just think of me as a landscape painter, which is quite boring.”
David Hockney · Interview, 2000s
“I always hear 'punch me in the face' when you're speaking, but it's usually subtext.”
Sherlock Holmes · BBC Sherlock, Series 2, Episode 1: A Scandal in Belgravia, 2012
“I am the most unpleasant, rude, ignorant, and all-round obnoxious arsehole that anyone could possibly have the misfortune to meet. I am dismissive of the virtuous, unaware of the beautiful, and uncomprehending in the face of the happy. So if I didn't understand I was being asked to be best man, it is because I never expected to be anybody's best friend.”
Sherlock Holmes · BBC Sherlock, Series 3, Episode 2: The Sign of Three, 2014
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“I am the most unpleasant, rude, ignorant, and all-round obnoxious arsehole that anyone could possibly have the misfortune to meet. I am dismissive of the virtuous, unaware of the beautiful, and uncomprehending in the face of the happy. So if I didn't understand I was being asked to be best man, it is because I never expected to be anybody's best friend.”
“Did you miss me?”
Jim Moriarty · BBC Sherlock, Series 3 finale post-credits sequence, 2014
“It's Wednesday. I'm not dressed up for Halloween. This is how I always look.”
Wednesday Addams · The Addams Family (various adaptations)
“I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays.”
Anonymous
“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”
Oscar Wilde · The Remarkable Rocket, 1888
“Well-behaved women seldom make history.”
Laurel Thatcher Ulrich · "Vertuous Women Found," American Quarterly, 1976
“Silence is not emptiness. For most people, it would be the wisest thing they've said all week.”
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