“If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And if it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.” — Mark Twain · widely attributed to Twain
“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.” — Oscar Wilde · The Happy Prince and Other Tales, 1888
“I'm always late on principle, my principle being that punctuality is the thief of time.” — Oscar Wilde · The Picture of Dorian Gray, 1890
“The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.” — Jean Kerr · Please Don't Eat the Daisies, 1957
“Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.” — Robert Benchley · Chips off the Old Benchley, 1949
“I am not a morning person. Then again, I'm not really an afternoon or evening person either.” — Garfield · Jim Davis, Garfield comic strip
“Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.” — Robert Orben · widely attributed