“By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.”
Charles Wadsworth
Category
← Back to top
Humor Quotes
114 quotes on humor and wit — from the classics to the everyday.
“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”
Mark Twain
“Pessimism is so reflexively expected of an intellectual that the way to flaunt your sophistication is to wear a long face.”
Steven Pinker · Enlightenment Now, 2018
“Intellectuals hate progress. Intellectuals who call themselves progressive really hate progress.”
Steven Pinker · Enlightenment Now, 2018
“By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.”
Socrates · attributed via Diogenes Laertius
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.”
Douglas Adams · The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, 1979
“The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.”
Franklin P. Jones · widely attributed
“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen · widely attributed
“I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?”
Ernest Hemingway · widely attributed
“I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up.”
Benjamin Franklin · widely attributed
“Get up, stand up, stand up for your rights.”
Bob Marley · Get Up, Stand Up, 1973
“If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And if it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.”
Mark Twain · widely attributed to Twain
“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”
Oscar Wilde · The Happy Prince and Other Tales, 1888
“I'm always late on principle, my principle being that punctuality is the thief of time.”
Oscar Wilde · The Picture of Dorian Gray, 1890
“The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.”
Jean Kerr · Please Don't Eat the Daisies, 1957
“Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.”
Robert Benchley · Chips off the Old Benchley, 1949
“I am not a morning person. Then again, I'm not really an afternoon or evening person either.”
Garfield · Jim Davis, Garfield comic strip
