“I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?”
Ernest Hemingway · widely attributed
The joke here turns on a familiar phrase. Saying you enjoy long walks is usually a warm, leisurely sentiment, but the punchline flips it into a wish that irritating people would simply go away, preferably on a very long walk from which they take their time returning. The humor comes from the contrast between the gentle, pleasant image of a long walk and the barely concealed desire to be rid of someone entirely. It is a socially acceptable way of expressing a very uncharitable thought.
This line is widely attributed to Fred Allen, an American comedian who was most prominent in the mid-twentieth century and known for his sharp, satirical wit. His humor tended toward the dry and the cutting, often skewering institutions, celebrities, and the absurdities of everyday life. A line like this fits comfortably within that tradition of polished, slightly mean-spirited wordplay delivered with a perfectly straight face. The exact origin is difficult to pin down with a specific source, as with many of his most quoted remarks.
Fred Allen was an American comedian, writer, and radio personality whose career flourished primarily during the 1930s and 1940s. He became one of the most celebrated comedic voices of his era, known for a wit that was both erudite and accessible. His radio program attracted enormous audiences, and his verbal sparring, including a famous long-running mock feud with Jack Benny, kept listeners entertained for years. He was widely admired by other writers and comedians, and his influence on American comedy extended well beyond his own time.
“I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?”
Ernest Hemingway · widely attributed
“I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up.”
Benjamin Franklin · widely attributed
“Get up, stand up, stand up for your rights.”
Bob Marley · Get Up, Stand Up, 1973
“If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And if it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.”
Mark Twain · widely attributed to Twain
“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”
Oscar Wilde · The Happy Prince and Other Tales, 1888
“I'm always late on principle, my principle being that punctuality is the thief of time.”
Oscar Wilde · The Picture of Dorian Gray, 1890
“The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.”
Jean Kerr · Please Don't Eat the Daisies, 1957
“Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.”
Robert Benchley · Chips off the Old Benchley, 1949
“I am not a morning person. Then again, I'm not really an afternoon or evening person either.”
Garfield · Jim Davis, Garfield comic strip
“Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.”
Robert Orben · widely attributed
“I have always been a quarter of an hour before my time, and it has made a man of me.”
Horatio Nelson · attributed
“It is a common experience that a problem difficult at night is resolved in the morning after the committee of sleep has worked on it.”
John Steinbeck · On Writing, attributed