“Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.”
Dorothy Parker
Category
Humor Quotes
114 quotes on humor and wit — from the classics to the everyday.
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“I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.”
Steven Wright
“I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.”
Thomas Edison
“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
Albert Einstein
“If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.”
Oscar Wilde
“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.”
Will Rogers
“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.”
Mark Twain
“I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.”
Woody Allen
“The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.”
Bertrand Russell
“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”
Groucho Marx
“I can resist everything except temptation.”
Oscar Wilde · Lady Windermere's Fan, 1892
“The report of my death was an exaggeration.”
Mark Twain · 1897, to a journalist
“I never said most of the things I said.”
Yogi Berra
“A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.”
Yogi Berra
“Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.”
Yogi Berra
“If you can't imitate him, don't copy him.”
Yogi Berra
