“Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove.”
William Shakespeare · Sonnet 116, c. 1609
Wilde's line turns conventional wisdom on its head. The ordinary advice is to resist temptation through willpower or discipline. Wilde proposes the opposite: that resistance itself is what keeps a temptation alive and powerful, giving it a hold over you, while actually yielding dissolves its grip. Whether read as a sincere philosophical observation or as deliberate provocation, the line challenges the assumption that self-denial is always a form of strength. It suggests instead that it can sometimes be a form of self-deception.
This line appears in The Picture of Dorian Gray, Wilde's only novel, published in 1890. It is delivered by Lord Henry Wotton, the charming and morally slippery aristocrat whose influence draws the young and impressionable Dorian Gray toward a life of pleasure and excess. Lord Henry speaks in aphorisms throughout the book, and many of his most memorable lines are designed to sound witty and liberating while actually pointing toward ruin. The novel itself is deeply ambivalent about the philosophy Lord Henry promotes.
Oscar Wilde was an Irish writer born in Dublin in 1854 who became one of the defining literary voices of the late Victorian era in Britain. He was celebrated for his plays, his essays, his fairy tales, and his extraordinary gift for the well-turned phrase. The Picture of Dorian Gray remains his only novel and one of the enduring works of English literature. Wilde's life ended in Paris in 1900 following a period of imprisonment and exile, but his work has never gone out of fashion.
“Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove.”
William Shakespeare · Sonnet 116, c. 1609
“You don't love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear.”
Oscar Wilde
“Perhaps the feelings that we experience when we are in love represent a normal state. Being in love shows a person who he should be.”
Anton Chekhov
“I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.”
Louisa May Alcott · Little Women, 1868
“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.”
Joan Crawford
“We are most alive when we are in love.”
John Updike
“Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.”
Aristotle
“I am in you and you in me, mutual in divine love.”
William Blake · Jerusalem: The Emanation of the Giant Albion, 1820
“To love another person is to see the face of God.”
Victor Hugo · Les Miserables, 1862
“The heart wants what it wants, or else it does not care.”
Emily Dickinson · Letter to Mrs. Joseph Haven, 1852
“Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.”
Nicole Krauss · The History of Love, 2005
“I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone.”
J.R.R. Tolkien · The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, 2001 film adaptation