#comedy

“By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.”

— Socrates

“Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.”

— Dorothy Parker

“I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.”

— Steven Wright

“I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.”

— Thomas Edison

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

— Albert Einstein

“If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.”

— Oscar Wilde

“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.”

— Will Rogers